the night before 20 weeks

today is my last day of maternity leave, i'm feeling so mixed about so many things, but predominantly feeling is happiness and peace and excitement. its 8:03, my daughter is in bed, and i hope she is asleep soon, she's coming a bit undone at the seams these days, her life is in constant change and adjustment for what seems like a year, this time last year we introduced a new nanny to our family (one lux adored but i was never happy with), she started part time preschool as the second youngest of mostly a group of nearly 5 year olds, shortly after was told mommy was pregnant, watched mom suffer through a tough pregnancy, introduced a new brother into the family, we all (save for huxley and my mom staying with us) had a rocky adjustment to a family of 4, i would say at times we are all still adjusting. AND now mom back to work, another year of pre school in front of us and a NEW HOUSE. thats enough for any 4 year old!!! and in between she has learned to swim, dropped diapers from her naps, embraced a new family member (one that mom and dad adore as much as they do her)...and oh countless other wonderful, thrilling things.

as i write i realize that this mat leave has been as much about lux as anyone. but its also been a glorious 20 weeks, and i'm realizing now that i must have had an agenda and most of the things on that agenda of sorts were crossed off, but most importantly i was simply able to be a "mom" a fulltime mom and i have loved it, loved every minute of it, it has filled me and fulfilled in ways i never imagined. and i'm so very grateful to my children and husband for giving me this wonderful opportunity. i will cherish these 20 weeks as likely the best 20 weeks of my life and that said i know i have fulltime motherhood in front of me at some point in my future.

now to huxley, he kicked this all off! he's lying next to me asleep on my bed, so peaceful. i find it hard to describe the tempermanent of my children, they are both so complex to me. huxley simply exists in our family, he's "there" and everyday he stakes his claims on us a little more and he gradually develops from one day to the next. he is nearly 5 months but still seems very much like a newborn. i have never left him for longer than 2 hours max, when lux was this age i left denver for a 24 hour business trip to DC - oddly enough i have no clue what it will be like to leave him for 8 hours as early as monday (5 days away), i have done nothing to prepare for that, i guess we'll just wing it and see how everyone does. we have tried a little cereal and he seems way too young for it, shows NO interest. he does take 1 bottle a day usually from only me. he is starting to have predictable naps, but only at home, when we are out and about he usually doesn't rest so those days are over. in the last few days he seems to fall asleep at about 8 pm and i feed him once more at 10 and he sleeps until 7:30 am. he is both more placid than lux was and also more presistent than she was so his opposites are more distinct than hers. he likes to visit, he likes to be held and picked up, he likes his sister's voice and doesn't like his dad's, he loves to nurse, seems fine with a bath and water.

so back to work and in a new home in a little over 1 month, the house i expect we will leave in for a very long time, i would hope until we are old and the kids gone, that seems a long time away but reminds me of the wonderful years we have ahead of us and reminds to remember to cherish them and BLOG about them.

i am blessed to have lux and huxley to have geoffrey and our families and friends and feeling pretty good about my decision to go back to work for sometime and see what the future holds for us.

time to fold laundry, two children sleeping, husband at a birthday bash. nitey nite.